We often think we have a epidemic of stress. Clients consistently tell me how stressed they are. And not just clients: friends, family, my kids, my husband. I experience it too. There is a lot of stress out there. But according to Robert Maurer author of Mastering Fear: Harnessing Emotion to Achieve Excellence in Work, […]

It is normal that we don’t want to experience pain: some of us plan everything in minute detail to avoid surprises that we don’t like some use fantasy to fulfill a longing so we avoid what feels too risky to figure out in real life some of us don’t have a difficult conversation with a […]

Dealing with resentment is critical for living above the line. My friend and colleague, Janice McWilliams, talks about resentment: Resentment tricks us into thinking that someone else has to do something for us to feel better. Resentment tells us that it’s not our fault. Resentment tells us that someone else is making us feel the […]

We fall below the line every time we have to be right. The drive to be right is often powerful. It can lead us to act in ways that are hurtful to our relationships. We inflict this pain because disagreement can feel threatening. Harriet Lerner, author of The Dance of Anger, suggests: “Closeness does not […]

Living above the line takes courage. One of the easiest ways to fall below the line is by blaming others. Blame enables us to live as victims rather than take responsibility for ourselves. Blame is a fundamental defense for all of us. Here’s what we know from the research: blame is simply the discharging of […]