Dealing with resentment is critical for living above the line. My friend and colleague, Janice McWilliams, talks about resentment: Resentment tricks us into thinking that someone else has to do something for us to feel better. Resentment tells us that it’s not our fault. Resentment tells us that someone else [...]read more

We fall below the line every time we have to be right. The drive to be right is often powerful. It can lead us to act in ways that are hurtful to our relationships. We inflict this pain because disagreement can feel threatening. Harriet Lerner, author of The Dance of [...]read more

Living above the line takes courage. One of the easiest ways to fall below the line is by blaming others. Blame enables us to live as victims rather than take responsibility for ourselves. Blame is a fundamental defense for all of us. Here’s what we know from the research: blame [...]read more

If our current life systems are working well, we don’t often change voluntarily. For most of us, we need some discomfort before we grow. It’s easy to want to avoid pain, frustration, and suffering. I do every day in some way. My guess is you do too. We don’t typically [...]read more

After 17 years of struggling with an old, inefficient oil heating system, Greg and I finally decided to replace ours last fall. With the old system, we spent a small fortune on oil as prices crept up over the years. It had a terrific knack for breaking just when it [...]read more